think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize