I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
