Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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