I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
