If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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