you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
