I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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