It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
