Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize