Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
