im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
