I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
