is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
