I wish I could teleport
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
