True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm determined to sit on that face.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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