Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
