The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
