I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
