I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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