Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
