I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry about my life...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
