I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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