If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
