Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
