he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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