I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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