Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
