Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
