Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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