you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
