I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
