I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
only you would photoshop your dick
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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