I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
