I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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