Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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