last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
