yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
