i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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