So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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