He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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