OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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