After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
