last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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