my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
