Are we in a gay sports bar?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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