I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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