i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
