6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
