Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
