i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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