Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
