I hate all girls vehemently.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
