mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
