I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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