fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
