I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
