remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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