Acid is not a monday night drug
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
