I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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