mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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