SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
