Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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