if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
