hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
