Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
