I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish they made helmets for livers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
