True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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