I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
