I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
