So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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