he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
