I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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