A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
