i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
