if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
