Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
