Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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