I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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