you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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